United Against Sexual Assault

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Indicators of Abusive Relationships

From An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection

Using Emotional Abuse

• Putting you down
• Making you feel bad about yourself
• Calling you names
• Implying that you are crazy
• Playing mind games
• Using guilt as a weapon of control
• Using humiliation

Using Privilege

• Treating you like a servant
  
• Making all decisions for the family or couple
  
• Acting like an owner or master
  
• Being the one to define and enforce roles
  
• Expecting you to obey like a child

Using Coercion and Threats

• Making or carrying out threats
  
• Threatening to leave
  
• Treatening to harm themselves if you leave
  
• Threatening to hurt other family members or pets if you leave
  
• Threatening to report you to police, child welfare, etc. to control you
  
• Threatening to file false charges against you
  
• Using threats to get you to drop charges
  
• Threatening to expose a secret

Using Intimidation

• Making you afraid - looks, gestures, actions
  
• Smashing things
  
• Abusing pets
  
• Displaying weapons
  
• Threatening to expose a secret

Using the Children

• Using the children to relay messages
  
• Using visitation to harass you
  
• Threatening to take the children
  
• Threatening to harm the children

Using Isolation

• Controlling what you do
  
• Controlling who you see or talk to
  
• Limiting your outside involvement
  
• Not letting you work
  
• Not letting you receive an education
  
• Using jealousy to justify actions against you
  
• Destroying your support system

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming

• Making light of the abuse
  
• Saying abusive behavior was not abusive
  
• Shifting the responsibility for the behavior to you