"Peace begins with a smile." ~ Mother Teresa ~
"Peace begins with a smile." ~ Mother Teresa ~
"Let us always greet each other with a smile --- for a smile is the beginning of love." ~ Mother Teresa ~
"Love is, just like Christ himself showed with his death, the greatest gift." ~ Mother Teresa ~
A Physician, a Civil Engineer and a Computer Scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The Physician remarked,
"Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam.
This clearly requires surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the
oldest profession in the world."
The Civil Engineer interrupted, and said,
" But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the
order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first
and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering.
Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the
world."
The Computer Scientist leaned back in the chair,
smiled and then said confidently,
"Ah, but what do you think created the chaos ? "
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
---Douglas Adams
Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium. ---Anon.
If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...? ---Anon.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters would eventually reproduce the works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true. --- Robert Wilensky
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. ---Nathaniel Borenstein
Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. ---Martin Golding
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
7. Semi-annual After-Christmas sale.
8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
10. Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
11. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
12. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home.
13. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
14. Great dames for sale.
15. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
16. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
17. Vacation special: have your home exterminated.
18. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
19. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
20. For rent: 6-room hated apartment.
21. Man, honest. Will take anything.
22. Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
23. Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.
24. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
25. Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
26. And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
27. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
Students at a Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started the class by telling them:
"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that it is necessary that you don't get disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it.
"Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:
"The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people.
Good Professional communication
MEMO : From : Managing Director To : Vice President
"Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let all employees line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the employees should assemble in the canteen."
Translated :
From : Vice President
To : General Manager
Translated :
From : General managers
To : Industry Managers
Translated :
From : Industry Managers
To : Location heads
Translated :
From : Location heads
To : Marketing Executives
Profession
REAL ADS